Natalie Portman Is Knocked Up And Getting Married

December 27, 2010 / Posted by:

2011 is looking like the year our BABY!!! overlords rule the world after all. Natalie Portman has surprisingly announced that she’s adding her own member to the forever growing BABY!!! army. Natalie’s spokeswhore tells People that not only does her womb have a No Vacancy sign over it, but she’s also engaged to the father of her unborn child Benjamin Millepied. Two BAMS in one.

Benjamin is a fancy ballerino who played the lead male dancer opposite Natalie in Black Swan. Benjamin is also the dude who allegedly pink-slipped his live-in-girlfriend of 3 years for Natalie. AND Benjamin is also ALSO the dude with a last name that sounds like “mille-peen” if you say it really really fast. Yeah, millions of peen. That’s my kind of last name.

Congrats to Natalie and Millpeen, blah blah blah… And congrats to us since I’m sure Natalie will give birth to a perfect baby genius who will learn 12 languages by the age of 3, graduate from Harvard by the age of 8, write a masterpiece novel that will change all of our lives by the age of 9 and discover the cure for EVERYTHING by the age of 10.

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