When Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky announced that their relationship was unwinding like Natalie Portman’s sanity in Black Swan (aka Showgirls In Tights), there was a rumor that she had already soothed her sadness by gently rocking on Daniel Craig’s crotch. Most therapists will tell you that the cure for the common sad is Daniel Craig cock, so you Rachel did the right thing. At the time, Rachel and Craig both denied that shit, but apparently they were telling LIES. The News of the World (via UsWeekly) published a few pictures of Daniel and Rachel holding hands over the weekend in Somerset, England. And if you shut the lights and waved a black light wand over their hands, I’m sure you’d see splatters of their sex juices. DOING. IT.
The Daily Mail says that Daniel and Rachel stayed at some fancy country inn and were seen holding hands and laughing as they strolled to a nearby pub for a little after sex cordial. One witness-type said, “Daniel and Rachel looked like a romantic couple in a film. They were laughing and hanging on to each other’s words and stopping to take photos of each other. They were clinging to each other like honeymooners. The chemistry was obvious.”
Daniel and Satsuki Mitchell, who were promised to be married for a long ass time, reportedly ended their love earlier this year.
Daniel (who might just have a case of wandering peen) just got out of a long term thing and Rachel just got out of a long term thing, so this is probably just a first stop fuck before they fully emerge into singlehood (I think). And nothing gets your mind off of a BROKEN HEART like a good old-fashioned rebound fuck. It’s sort of like eating your feelings. Except Rachel is eating her feelings off of Daniel’s peen.