Don’t You Dare Go Near Jennifer Aniston

December 23, 2010 / Posted by:

Jennifer Aniston has an invisible border around her at all times and you better not even think of sticking your toe over it, or she’ll lock hug you and refuse to let go until her bodyguards distract her with a limited-edition Cabbage Patch doll. This is basically what UsWeekly claims in their new issue. Their source (aka Zahara sitting on Maddox’s shoulders at a phone booth near their chateau) says that on the set of Wanderlust in NYC, crew members knew that Jennifer Aniston was serious about her private space and they never got within 20 feet of her. Well, Jennifer is usually the one who gets restraining orders taken out against her, so I love how she’s flipping this bitch.

The source explains, “It was an unspoken thing that you couldn’t get within 20 feet of Jennifer. She surrounded herself with a ring of buffers at all times. She traveled with them from her trailer to the set and back.”

Jennifer’s spokeswhore says this story is a diaper full of lies, but let’s just pretend it’s true. Jennifer’s bodyguards know how her well I’m sure. They know that if someone gets too close to Jennifer for a few seconds and then walks away, she’ll drop to her knees, tear out pieces of hair and chew on the lapels of her jacket before shouting into the heavens, “WHY DOES EVERYONE LEAVE ME!!!! WHY! WHY! WHY!!!!” Her bodyguards will have to pull out that limited-edition Cabbage Patch doll again to bring Jennifer back into her happy safe place. So yeah, it’s better that you just stay away.

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