The beginning of Enrique Iglesias’ newest single sounds like a goat trying to howl at the moon while riding in the back of a bumpy freight train, but if you stick with it he will utter the words you long to hear after you’ve walked down the veil, handed your bouquet to your maid (or gentlemen) of honor and looked into the eyes of the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. He’ll softly caress your face with his eyes as he says: “I’m sorry I don’t mean to be rude, but tonight I’m fuckin’ you.” You’ll be swooning until your ass lips fall off. Come to think of it, those are the words I long to hear from absolutely anybody including the night dude at the deli, the UPS guy who never looks me in the eye, etc… etc..
And yes, “Tonight (I’m Fuckin’ You)” really is the title of Enrique’s song and soft-core porn video. It’s like a Lonely Island song written by The Situation. It practically comes with a travel-sized bottle of lube, a morning after pill and an envelope with his STD results in them. Enrique ain’t fucking around about fucking around. Totally my future wedding song.