You’re on a date with some dude you really like and it’s going better than well. He tells you that he loves the way your hair curls like Mariah Carey’s before she discovered a flat iron, and you giggle as he opens up the door for you to the County Fair store near your house in Meadville, PA. While browsing for beef jerky and condoms, you decide that you like this dude SO MUCH that you really want to do something special that will impress him. You know what to do. You grab his hand, lead him to the walk-in freezer, pull your skirt up, pull down your panties and take a straight-up piss all over a bunch of bagels and cookies. A swoon fills the dude’s heart as urine-scented cold smoke fills the freezer. That’s exactly what 23-year-old Carrie Harkness did on Saturday morning.
The Smoking Gun says that Carrie’s impromptu freezer piss caused $508 in damages. Carrie was charged with criminal mischief and disorderly conduct and for being a nasty ass. Carrie will have to show her face in court on January 12th.
A couple of days after Carrie, who is a mother of two, killed a bunch of cookies by emptying her bladder on them, she posted this message on her Facebook:
“Omg have you ever liked someone so much and go out with them and make a fool of yourself????? wish I could take back friday night!!!!! But youngstown is on point wish my friend could forgive me!!!!!!”
Okay, we’ve all been drunk in the middle of a walk-in freezer and thought about pissing on the bagels, but we didn’t do it! Just like we’ve all been drunk in the middle of the subway and thought about pulling our nipple out to try to lick it, but we didn’t (at least I don’t think I did) do it! I mean, I’d stand in her corner if she pulled the “When You Gotta Go You Gotta Go” card, but her excuse is that she was trying to impress somebody. Who the fuck is she trying to impress with her down to piss antics? R. Kelly? If that’s the case, no amount of golden shower behavior is going to impress him since homegirl is a little out of his usual age range.