It’s a slow week and the flu is fucking me not-so-gently and refusing to stop, so now seems like a good time to read what Dr. Drew has to say about what will happen when the holy duality of Brangelina breaks into a million pieces. For some reason, HuffPo asked Dr. Drew to give his opinion on everyone from Miley Cyrus (“She’s in trouble“) to Kelsey Grammer (“I can’t make sense of it”) and this is what he said about Brangie:
Just add up a couple things. There’s no such thing as ‘I was a heroin addict.’ That doesn’t exist in nature. Something is going on with [her] addiction. Or she’s in recovery. And I don’t see any evidence that’s the case. So we’ve got one person who’s a heroin addict. Which is a chronic lifelong condition, period. We have another person who has said things like, “Well, Jennifer [Aniston] was into long-term relationships, that’s just her way of looking at things.” I mean, that demeaning attitude towards other people’s emotions. Now put those two people together and you have got a really volatile situation. And they’re constantly creating things to weld themselves together. Which is only going to serve to make a more nuclear eruption. There will be some sort of meltdown that will be phenomenal when it does happen.
Dr. Drew’s right. When Brangie breaks, so will the world. The Four Horsemen will be replaced by Jennifer Aniston’s lonely vagina squirting FUCK YES juices for the first time in years and the swarm of locusts will be replaced by the blood and tears of rabid Brangeloonies who have nothing to live for anymore. But more importantly, can somebody please ask Dr. Drew if it’s okay if I drink the used water in my Vicks Vapor Humidifier? With whiskey, of course.