A Ho’s Gotta Do What A Ho’s Gotta Do

You have to hand it to Brittney Jones. This shameless bitch is grabbing on to the rumor that Ashton Kutcher sexed her up on his couch and is milking every last drop of that shit. That rumor’s got cotton mouth and is spitting out lukewarm air like the dick hole of a chronic fapper, but she just keeps pulling shit out. Keep fucking that chicken, Brittney!

Ashton has already denied tapping Brittney’s chocha with his douche bottle and even threatened to sue over it (he never did), but that hasn’t stopped her from standing by her story and making some money off of it. Since even VH1 and E! think they are too good to give Ashton’s supposed side piece a check and some air time, she has been forced to get creative for some fast cash. TMZ points us to this mess of an eBay listing created by Brittney. Bitch is seriously selling a sweater she says Ashton gave her.

This sweater was given to me after spending the night with Ashton. I no longer have any attachment to this sweater and I am hoping someone else will enjoy it.

So let’s go over this. Brittney is selling a sweater she probably bought at Marshalls and spritzed with freshly gargled used douche water for that authentic scent. There’s no Ashton pube on it, no jizz stain, nothing. Uh huh. This is just like the “Owned By A Silver Fox” thong that Mah Boo Anderson Cooper passed to me under the table during our romantic dinner at the Olive Garden. The best part is that Brittney’s listing is already up to $9,100 with 11 bids (all fake I’m sure). Will somebody please tell Demi to stop cheating on Twitter with eBay?

Here’s Ashton and Demi leaving a restaurant in L.A. this past weekend. No, Demi is not playing her own game of peek-a-poo with the paps, she’s just afraid the drops of rain might melt her face. Her plastic surgeon is on holiday hours, so she can’t be too careful.