Another One Of Jessica Simpson’s Exes Is Getting Married

Tony Romo, whose name always makes me crave ribs and lemon-scented moisties, has joined the race to the altar with his girlfriend Candice Crawford (the pretty princess on the left), sister of Chace Crawford (the PRETTIER princess on the right). People reports that Tony and Candice have put on their hitchin’ sneakers and lined up next to Jessica Simpson (and her dude) and Nick Lachey (and his chick) at the wedding starting line. Boom.

30-year-old Tony proposed to 24-year-old Candice during her birthday party at Five Sixty Restaurant in Dallas, TX last night. This is some SHOTS fired shit, because Tony proposed to Candice on her birfday and dumped Jessica on hers. If you think that’s a slight drop kick to Jessica’s fupa, here’s the ring Tony slipped on Candice’s finger. It’s almost as big as the stone that just formed in Papa Joe’s kidney from stressing out about getting his daughter to a “Weez Married” cover of OK! Magazine first.

But Papa Joe shouldn’t even try, because I have a feeling that John Mayer is going to beat all those bitches. Don’t be surprised if you see the headline: “John Mayer marries Dane Cook in a beautiful Iowa ceremony.” Double fucking whammy.