All I Want For Christmas Is More Goat Leche

December 16, 2010 / Posted by:

Mimi’s voice already has the power to gently milk massive amounts of happiness from the utters of emotion inside every one of her loyal lambs, and now the Daily Express says she has the same effect on goats! Sort of. A farmer at the St. Helen’s Farm in England can’t explain it, but he says whenever they play Mimi’s Christmas album the goats pump out an extra pint of milk each day. THIS IS NEWS!

Farmer Angus says the milk maids are sick of hearing Mimi’s unicorn yodel, but he keeps it on because it makes the goats extra lactate-y. Ugh. Farmer Angus explained it like this, “We are absolutely dumbfounded by the difference playing this song has made to the goats. Our milk maids started listening to the radio when they were milking them. They immediately noticed the animals were more relaxed and started producing more milk as a result. When one of the girls brought in a CD of Christmas classics they seemed to perk up when the Mariah Carey song came on. It’s really upbeat and they seem to love it. I think the staff here are sick of it now but unfortunately it works for the goats.”

I’ve heard stories about how Mimi’s supersonic melodic wail can cause car alarms to scream and garage door openers to malfunction, but who knew it can also make goat nipples widen. Or maybe Farmer Angus has it all wrong. Maybe those goats can’t stand Mimi’s Christmas shit so they push out as much leche as fast as possible so the milk maids can turn off the music and leave them the hell alone. Come to think of it, my nipples do get a little sore whenever one of Mimi’s Christmas songs play in a department store.

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