The first thing I asked myself after going through UsWeekly’s story about Nikki Sixx supposedly dating Denise Richards was: “Is the triangle pubic bush on his chin a good look or not?” And the second thing I asked myself was: “Hasn’t Nikki Sixx dated Heather Locklear before?” The answer to that question is NO (she was with Nikki’s bandmate Tommy Lee), but it seems like Denise is always trolling Heather’s Who’s Dated Who page for fuck partners. I’m just blowing things up as usual, but I still wouldn’t be surprised to see Denise running hand-in-hand with Jack Wagner down a sandy beach at sunset.
And since I brought up Jack Wagner, let’s make “All Aaaaaaah Neeed” the official theme song for this post.
A source type tells UsWeekly that Denise and Nikki have been neighbors for a long time, but it was only recently that they took their relationship from “May I borrow some sugar?” to “May I lick sugar off your ass crack?” The source went on to say that they are taking things slow. Nikki last dated Kat Von D, and Denise’s last known piece was Richie Sambora.
Well, I guess Denise definitely has a type. If your butt cheeks haven’t touched a toilet seat in rehab, Denise ain’t licking them. And I bet a lump of vomit didn’t even rise to your throat when thinking about Denise’s robot face licking azucar off of Nikki’s ass cheeks. It’s the Jack Wagner touch. He soothes everything.