David Arquette Is Boozing His Heartbreak Away

Ever since his marriage to Courtney Cox was put in time out until further notice, David Arquette has been filling the cracks of his heart with massive amounts of booze. Yes, he’s borrowing your “Listen, don’t get on me for having another fucking drink, because I’m still upset about my dad leaving my family…….25 years ago” excuse. David called into his personal therapist Dr. Howard Stern to once again pour out his emotions for an entire hour.

David told Howard that he recently got so filled to the brim with DRUNK that he called Tom Cruise “Sean.” UsWeekly compiled a few choice quotes from David’s public one-on-one with Howard:

During his one-hour chat, Arquette said that “everybody is worried and concerned about me,” and that he’s seeing a psychiatrist weekly.

He admitted he’s been partying pretty hard — especially at a recent holiday party hosted by Adam Sandler, in which he drunkenly called Tom Cruise “Sean.” “I was a little wasted,” Arquette says. “Someone says ‘Hi David!’, and I said, ‘Hi Sean! Then I realized it was Tom Cruise. And his beautiful wife [Katie Holmes] was there.”

Cruise wasn’t offended, Arquette said. “Tom was cool about it…I was so embarrassed. I was like ‘I gotta get the fuck out of here.'”

Why the heavy drinking? “I’ve been drinking a lot because I’m heartbroken,” he said. “It’s really a personal, traumatic thing.”

But he added that he had a “semi religious” epiphany recently: “When I drink, I become a maniac.” Arquette said he’s not drinking at all anymore. “When you wake up and reality hits you, it’s hard.”

He’s lonely, too. “I want love in my life,” he said. “I need love in my life.”

David also told Howard that he might be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

David is obviously one of those kind of drunks. You know, the dude sitting next to you at the counter at Shoney’s who smells like whiskey burps and burnt hash brown. The one who makes a really gross cry face as he tries to swallow his pancakes while going on about his problems to you. Then as it gets later and later, you decide that you’ve got nothing else to do so you might as well try to cheer him up by blowing him in your Mitsubishi Mirage for shits. But then as you’re doing your thing, he’s just laying there moaning like an old dog having a nightmare.

You decide maybe a little filthy nasty talk will get him going so you blurt out something like, “Yeah, you nasty prick, you like your cock sucked, don’t you?” And then out comes a typhoon of tears, because his wife’s last name is COX! The only money shot you’ll get is a load of tears to the face. BEEJ RUINED! David is totally that dude.

So now you know to stay away from David if you see him at the counter at Shoney’s in the middle of the night.