White Oprah Wants To Do Dancing With The Stars

Bristol Palin was on Dancing with the Stars and her claim to fame is passing a human baby through her vagina, so White Oprah probably thinks that because she once passed a human baby through her vagina (as far as she knows anyway…the 1980s were a Darvocet blur) she has a shot at joining the cast! The producers of Dancing with the Has-Beens offered Lindsay Lohan the chance to shimmy her labia next season, but she turned it down. However, White Oprah tells Radar that LiLo thinks SHE should be in that mess:

“We are huge fans of the show and think it’s incredible. We’ll watch it, but it is not going to happen. Lindsay actually told the woman at Dancing With The Stars who made the offer that ‘you need to take my mom!’

Lindsay is a great dancer, but she’s taking a break right now. She has been through a lot. Our family loves the show because I’m a dancer, and I taught dance when Lindsay was growing up. I dragged her from one dance studio to another, and she sat in front of the mirrors and watched, while I taught.”

Oh White Oprah, never change. And never remove the “There’s No Place Like Home” sign that Delusion nailed to the inside of your head.

This will never happen, though. First of all, White Oprah is the glow-in-the-dark star that fell off my bedroom ceiling and collected dust on the carpet until a Hoover sucked it up years later, but she isn’t a STAR STAR. Although, DWTS has stretched the definition of “star” so much that it’s completely unrecognizable to the human eye, so maybe I lose that argument.

But it still wouldn’t be fair to the other contestants, because White Oprah has YEARS of dance experience. And yes, shaking your titties for Russian mobsters in the back room of an off-track betting place in the late 1970s counts as dance experience!