The Celebrity Break-Up Trilogy Is Complete!

December 14, 2010 / Posted by:

Thank the FUCK it wasn’t Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon or half of Brooklyn would have to doggy paddle through the river of tears and barf pouring out of my skull! But sadly, the final break-up spot has been taken by ScarJo and Ryan Reynolds. Just like Dexter & Deb and Zac & Vanessa, ScarJo and Ryan Reynolds have decided they wish to pass their genitals to others and have pressed the pause button on their 2-year-old marriage.

A source tells TMZ ScarJo and Ryan are living in separate places. The source is probably my cousin who told me she wanted a waterproof Green Lantern poster for Christmas. Sick horny bitch! But I have the feeling she’s not the only one Googling “Green Lantern Dildo.”

2009 was the year of deaths and 2010 is now the year that love burped out its last bref before rolling over into a shallow grave. I guess that means 2011 will be the year of BIRTHS. This makes sense since the world is ending in 2012. I just knew we’d go out under a mountain of baby saliva, diapers and creamed placenta.

UPDATE: It’s true. ScarJo and Ryan released this official joint statement to UsWeekly: “After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we’ve decided to end our marriage. We entered our relationship with love and it’s with love and kindness we leave it. While privacy isn’t expected, it’s certainly appreciated.

What is this “long and careful consideration” they speak of? If I was ScarJo, Ryan would simply have to drop his chonies and lift his shirt over his nipples to save our marriage. Divorce averted!

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