These Two Got Married Last Night

December 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Never mind Nicole Richie throwing an “Am I really going to marry a bitch from Good Charlotte?” look, because she did marry a bitch from Good Charlotte last night at her daddy’s mansion. After being together for four years and making two babies together, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden said “Til Death or an InTouch cover story from a call girl proclaiming ‘Joel Madden sent me sexy text messages!’ does them part” in front of 130 friends and family in Los Angeles last night. UsWeekly says that guests included Khloe Kardashian, Samantha Ronson and an elephant. Since Parasite Hilton couldn’t make it, she sent the elephant in her place so she could be there in aroma (no offense to the elephant’s anus).

Nicole’s best friend Masha Gordon was her maid of honor and her daughter Sad Clown Baby was the flower girl. Nicole apparently wore a Marchesa wedding gown constructed by an army of twee mice with paws small enough to handle the teeny tiny threads of silk on her dress which was probably the size of a bunny’s condom. And to honor her father, Nicole Richie placed a giant Lionel Richie clay head in the middle of every table. Now that is a centerpiece to knock a granny over for:

Anyway, congrats to Nicole and Joel and blah blah blah… This calls for a HAMSTER DANCE!

And that’s probably EXACTLY what Benji Madden looked like when he tried to get his beat on last night.

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