Miley Cyrus Ruins Everything

Miley Cyrus’ documented trip through a temporary salvia haze has sparked a new debate as to whether or not California should put a ban on that shit once and for all. Former California State Assemblyman Anthony Adams tried to put salvia on the ban list a few years ago by saying that it’s as much of a controlled substance as weed and LSD. Anthony’s bill got shot down, but California made it illegal to sell salvia to chirruns under the age of 18. And now that we’ve all got a whiff of Miley’s freshly exhaled salvia cloud, Anthony is back!

Anthony tells TMZ that Miley is a role model to our youth and it was irresponsible for her to take a bong hit since “kids are going to emulate her behavior.” Anthony went on to preach, “It’s time for state and federal governments to renew their push toward an outright ban.”

We’ve already banned Four Lokos and now we’re on our way to banning salvia, so we might as well ban freon…. computer duster (DAMN YOU ALLISON!)… Sharpies…. spray paint….. NyQuil…. and any other dumb shit kids do to try to get higher. You know, because there’s no such thing as parents warning their kids that smoking salvia will turn them into a hillbilly chipmunk with an excess mucus problem who Billy Ray Cyrus Tweets about (the ultimate warning).

But honestly, who is emulating Miley Cyrus. It’s not 2008! Meanwhile, some 8-year-old is probably shaking her crotch while trying to smoke SALIVA out of a bong she made from a habitrail tube. Well, since I put it that way, BAN MILEY not salvia!