Christine O’Donnell has just met her new arch rival in the masturbating panda that is Taylor Momsen! For every trick who touches their wet parts for the first time at the advice of Taylor Momsen, Christine O’Donnell weakens! Keep fucking that chicken, world! So Taylor Momsen is not only a role model for sad angsty pandas who like to do bad things, but she’s now a role model for proud self-fuckers everywhere.
In an interview with The Guardian (via The Frisky), Taylor basically said that everyone should learn how to make their genitals bust into an ecstasy seizure at their own hand before they move on to the main party.
“I’m a promoter of masturbation. Don’t sleep around—learn yourself first! Guys do, but girls don’t. And that’s why girls have so many bad experiences. But you can know your body, know yourself, know what feels good. You don’t have to give yourself away just to have sexual relevance. Because I don’t think sex is something people should be afraid of. It’s part of human nature, so I don’t think it should be so shameful—particularly for girls and young girls.”
Taylor Momsen’s brain actually made a sense. Who knew this day would come! But that’s easy for her to say. Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy.
And now that Taylor has put her fist up for the right to masturbate, I hope this doesn’t mean we’re going to get a cover of “I Touch Myself” by The Pretty Reckless. Because that will kill masturbation forever.