Tommy Lee Is Trying To Cock Block A Whale!

And I thought watching a video of a (have a bottle of Clorox’s memory wash or a priest to perform an exorcism handy before clicking) singing bloody vagina dentata was the only thing that could make my brain burp out “QUE?” this morning, but I was wrong. Tommy Lee must be spending his early morning hours searching for sucio shit like solo whale porn, because he’s seen what’s going down at Sea World and it’s got him feeling all kinds of disgusted. Almost as disgusted as the times his memory does him wrong by flashing pictures of him slurping on Kimbo Stewart’s taint.

TMZ got a hold of a letter Tommy Lee stroked and unloaded all over the executives at Sea World. Acting on behalf of Peta, Tommy told Sea World that he thinks it’s sick how they use their serial killer whale Tilikum for jizz. Tommy had to take a Silkwood Shower after seeing footage of trainers milk the whale sperm out with a cow’s vagina. Um. Isn’t that how Tommy masturbates too? I’ll Google that. In the meantime, here’s the letter:

This is why the cow jumped over the moon. To get the fuck away from whale dick! No, there’s no need to cover up Bessy’s eyes, because by “cow vagina” Tommy means lady whale snatch. But is Tommy trying to give Tilikum a serious case of whale blue balls? Yes, Tilikum can spit when he gives himself auto-fellatio, but he prefers a lady whale snatch. Jizzus!

But seriously, how long before the makes of the Fleshlight come out with a version for whales?