This Lasted Long

Kim Kardashian has pushed Gabriel Aubry’s peen out of her life and is no longer interested in riding his ride. Life & Style says that Kim is the one who canceled the contract dumped Gabriel onto the overflowing heap filled with her ex-pieces. Cut to Halle Berry doing the “CLEANSED OF THE SKANK” happy dance:

A source who I’m sure is not named Kris Kardashian says that Gabriel’s hard-on just wasn’t in the right place. Kim is the Snow White of fame fuckers whose heart flutters for genuine love while Gabriel was just grabbing onto the caboose of the Fame Whore Express and expecting a free ride to the spotlight. The source said it like this, “Kim feels like Gabriel was just using her for her fame. [Gabriel] is older than what Kim is looking for. So she’s decided to stop seeing him.”

If you slipped that source’s quote into Babel Fish and translated it into Kardashianese, it would read: THE BITCH AIN’T GOT NO MONEY.

But don’t cry for Kim, because her ESPY Award winning cooch is already dribbling on a new athlete dick. Specifically, the athlete dick belonging to 25-year-old Kris Humphries of the New Jersey Nets:

The same source says that Kim and Kris have gone out a few times and things are just casual for now. Well, I guess Kim is getting fucked by two Krises now. NO! It was too easy. But seriously, things are going to get really awkward when Kim screams “KRIS! KRIS! KRIS” while Hump Hump Humphries is hitting it from the back and her mother runs into the room. Actually, maybe it won’t. I’ve seen the show. Mama Kris will just reposition the camera on the tripod and see herself out.