Chelsea Handler probably woke up on Monday morning with a severed Cabbage Patch Doll head (“WHYYYYY GOD WHY?!” – Jennifer Aniston) in her bed, but she doesn’t understand why she doesn’t wake up with a severed Cabbage Patch Doll head in her bed every morning. Because Chelsea said on her show last night that she’s been throwing stank on St. Angie Jo ever since the saint’s tongue blessed James Haven’s tonsils a million years ago (and his eyeballs haven’t recovered since).
Chelsea didn’t blurt it out, but I think that was her way of saying that calling Angie Jo a “homewrecking cunt bitch” (in so many words) during her show in NJ over the weekend had nothing to do with her best friend forever Jennifer Aniston. No, they weren’t toasting to that “homewrecking cunt bitch” before doing a Thanksgiving shot off of the shaved belly of Jennifer’s cat. Here’s the video of Chelsea breaking it down for us:
In case you don’t feel like playing play on that shit, Chelsea basically said: “I’m been making fun of Angelina Jolie since she made out with her brother…. If I’ve learned nothing from this, it’s to write some new jokes.”
All Chelsea has to do is switch out the names. From now on, she should just call Brad Pitt a homewrecking cunt bitch. It freshens up the joke a tiny bit, it keeps the beautiful word “cunt” in place and Chelsea will still get amazingly hilarious e-mails of CAPS-LOCKED hate from the most devoted Brangeloonies (who are locked up in mental facilities with WiFi). You don’t ever want to lose that privilege.