Deep down in Karl Lagerfeld’s sprawling dungeon lies a mason jar filled with smoke that sort of smells like overmicrowaved instant oatmeal and steamed broccoli. When you shake the jar, it mumbles like a half-asleep drunk who just got a root canal. That jar is labeled BLAKE LIVELY, because she just signed her soul over to Kunty Karl in exchange for the starring role in Chanel’s next ad campaign! And Kunty Karl will wash his hair with Blake’s soul later on to keep it looking as gleaming white as the fangs on the devil’s asshole! Lightning crash!
A source tells E! Online that Blake was recently in Paris shooting ads for Chanel’s line of handbags. The ads will come out early next year.
I realize that Blake is the new shit and Anna Wintour’s lips are temporarily stuck to her ass, but they got the WRONG Lively. If any Lively deserves a Chanel campaign it’s Teen Witch herself Robyn Lively. They don’t even have to shoot the campaign. I did all the work for them: