James Franco Was Always A Bad Ass Bitch

Taylor Momsen can think that her “broiling dog nuts” ways have earned her the title of the hardest toddler of all-time and forever, but she needs to sit on her potty trainer and think about how she can try harder. Because a little before Taylor’s dad accidentally ignored her mother’s “DON’T CUM IN ME!!!!!!1!!” pleas, James Franco was ruling his junior high school with his skilled bad bitch moves. During an interview with the hunk of PBS James Lipton for Inside the Actors Studio, James talked about he entered a life of crime at a young age. Yup, you’re afraid of him. From Page Six:

“I guess my life of crime started by stealing cologne. We’d keep them [cologne sample bottles] in the locker, in our gym locker at school and we’d sell some from the lockers.”

So what James Franco is really trying to say is that he was a teen Avon Lady. The high school gangster version of Mary Kay. If James sold 12 bottles of hot cologne in a month, did his partners in crime paint his bike pink and add a pair of burgundy tassels to his handlebars? Where the fuck was James during my junior high years? He’d be the type to steal a half-used bottle of Skin So Soft from the powder room of his mom’s best friend’s house and give it to you for Christmas. Don’t act like you’re not swooning in the loins.

AND James also had this to say about the time he dropped out of UCLA and worked at McDonald’s to support himself: “In the drive-through window . . . I would practice accents.”