On Conan last night, the KKKs talked about all the foolery they blow out on Twitter including how Khloe and Kourtney told their followers that mayonnaise is to a snatch as a hard peen is to John Travolta’s no-no. It makes that shit sparkle! Kim, who keeps trying to be the epitome of a prim and proper lady, is the one who brought it up and then later said that they shouldn’t talk about those things in public. BITCH! Stop acting like we didn’t see Ray J bust his dick mayo all over your nooks and crannies. We know you LIKE THAT, so quit the refined snowflake act!
Here’s how the conversation went last night. It’s best to read while biting into a sandwich of roast beef, Miracle Whip and a dab of yeast butter:
Kim: Talking about putting mayonnaise on your thing is not appropriate.
Khloe: Honestly, women need to know how to take care of their stuff.
Conan: I’m not even here anymore. I just… I’m wearing jeggings and listening to you guys talk about putting mayonnaise down there and I’m just… I don’t know what’s happened.
Kourtney: People ask us why would you want to put mayonnaise down there?
Conan: Wait a minute! Let’s just back up the truck just a bit. You can’t move ahead from that statement. You advised women to put-
Kourtney: No, we didn’t advise… I told Khloe-
Kim: They don’t really do this. It’s just a joke and they don’t really do it.
Khloe: How do you know?
Kourtney: I actually told Khloe that I found her sex mask under my bed, that she’s been looking for, and she wrote me back, “OMG I found your jar of mayonnaise that you use on your vagina.” And then we were talking back and forth and people asked what does mayonnaise on your vagina do? And we said it makes it shine like the top of the Chrysler building. But why would you want a shiny vagina anyways?
Conan: I don’t know…um…wow…okay.
Kim: I just don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about stuff like that especially on Twitter or any public place where young girls-
Khloe: Follow at your own risk.
Never mind that Tim Peeler just put a jar of homemade mayo out on his porch to lure the Sasquatch back into his life, why was Khloe’s sex mask under Kourtney’s bed? Just thinking about Khloe wearing a sex mask makes me want to scream, “BRING OUT THE GIMP!”