Meet Joseph Guiso an Australian dude who married his 5-year-old labrador Honey at a park near their home in Toowoomba, QLD yesterday afternoon. While surrounded by their family and friends, Joseph and Honey were pronounced husband and wife by Father Hipster. You may now sniff the bride’s ass.
Joseph tells The Chronicle that he is a religious person and felt guilty about living in sin with Honey so he decided they should seal their love in front of God. Joseph got in his knees, stared deeply into Honey’s eyes, ignored the DNW expression plastered all over her face and said to her, “You’re my best friend and you make every part of my day better.” Joseph also promised his family and friends that his relationship with Honey is made of pure love, but a jar of
peanut butter Vegamite is not involved. Basically, Joseph is not Monaghan-ing Honey. So he says.
There’s two MAJOR wrong things with this wedding. No, it isn’t that a dude is marrying a dog. Dogs have married a lot worse. One is that Honey has her eyes wide open for her first marital kiss with her husband. Maybe Honey isn’t a romantic. If that’s the case, this marriage is doomed to pop like her anal glands since Joseph obviously has romance running through his veins. Or maybe Honey’s got her eyes out in case Joseph busts out the lipstick. That’s Honey’s cue to voluntarily check herself into the pound.
Secondly, this is Honey’s big day and the bitch shows up wearing a wrinkled ass bed sheet. What kind of bride wears that busted shit?! Somewhere an Australian boy is missing his DIY superhero cape. How dreadful! This is exactly why Animal Planet needs a bridal show called Say Woof to the Dress.