Chester Cheetah Is Spreading The Vaseline On His Face And Putting His Fightin’ Rings On (UPDATE: There’s Audio)

December 1, 2010 / Posted by:

That scent of boiling processed cheese and scorched corn meal floating into Jason Trawick’s nostrils is the smell of revenge. If any of this is true, Chester Cheetah will leave permanent Cheeto dust marks around Jason’s neck for hurting his soulmate. Star Magazine is getting serious this week with their cover story about Brit Brit Spears’ alleged abusive relationship with her bought-and-paid boyfriend Jason Trainweck. Their proof is a picture of Brit with a black eye and an interview with her mess of a first husband Jason Alexander (George Costanza is not amused) who claims that she told him everything in a series of phone calls, texts and emails.

Jason Alexander tells Star that even though his marriage to Brit Brit lasted about as long as KFed’s illustrious rap career, they have casually kept in touch over the years. But Brit’s emails and texts made a sharp turn down Mother May I Sleep With Danger Road when she told him that Jason Trainwreck hit her in the face and beat her on several occasions. Jason Alexander tells it like this, “Britney is in an abusive relationship. She told me her life had turned into a nightmare. [Jason] hit her so hard it gave her a black eye” Jason Alexander also claims that Brit Brit told him she was pregnant with Jason Trainwreck’s baby earlier this year.

There’s a few things about this story that’s making me throw a “You just needed a check, right?” side-eye at Jason Alexander. Instead of, I don’t know, calling the police and reporting this or even calling Donna Martin to get her advice, Jason rang up the domestic abuse counselors at Star Magazine. Because seeing the cover line “BRIT BRIT’S BOYFRIEND IS A MEMBER OF THE CHRIS BROWN CLUB” is really going to tame Jason Trainwreck’s supposed rage. And not only that, but I’d also like to believe that if it was true, Daddy Spears would pull the wooden ladle out of the pot of Velveeta grits and use it to chase Jason Trainwreck out of Casa del Frapps. As they say, this shit developing….

UPDATE: Now Radar posted an audio clip recorded by Jason Alexander of someone who is supposed to Brit Brit admitting that Jason Trainwreck laid a beat down on her. Or as she puts it, “Was thet befo’e o’ af’er he beat meyah.” I’m going to need to see the receipts, because this voice is not making the Slim Jim in my hand perk up like it should. This is probably Bit Bit not Brit Brit.

Here’s Brit Brit, her Cheetolings and Jason Trainwreck arriving at LAX the other day from Kentwood.

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