But if the paparazzi weren’t around, they would’ve never captured this triumphant moment of Lindsay Lohan next to her “Sober Shine Award“, which was placed outside of her sober house in Palm Desert, CA. The Sober Shine is like the People’s Choice Award of Palm Spring rehab centers and it also sounds like the name of a citrus-flavored powdered vitamin drink that’s supposed to hug and cradle your morning hangover. A powdered hangover cure that ironically tastes so much better with a splash of vodka. So…
TMZ says that LiLo wants the court to draw a giant red circle around her with a Sharpie to keep the paps from trying to suck on her ass with their cameras. HAHAHAHAHA, I know.
LiLo barely got her drivers license back, but her counselors at Betty Ford don’t think it’s a good idea for her to get behind the wheel since the paps are always chasing her. LiLo has always blamed the paps for causing her to crash into parked cars and speed down PCH with terrified hostages in the back seat begging her to spare their lives (or at least give them a bump to numb the pain when they eventually go over a cliff).
LiLo has asked her lawyer to seek a restraining order against every single paparazzo. Her lawyers are trying to decide whether or not it’s possible to take out a restraining order against an entire group.
The paps whose cell phone caller ID gets touched with Lindsay Lohan’s name on an hourly basis are so confused right now! But I see what LiLo’s doing here. This is one of those “We can fuck, but I don’t want anyone to know we’re fucking” things. You know that bitch. They take out a restraining order against you, make a big scene and then call you up at 3 in the morning telling you to park at the end of the block and wait for their signal to come inside for a little down low dicking. Oh, and they tell you to wear a pizza delivery outfit in case their nosy meth addict of a neighbor sees anything. Personally, I like to disguise myself as a graveyard shift census bureau officer, because polo shirts look like shit on me.