On Friday, The Mighty Oprah aired the first part of her Favorite Things and we all watched as the internal organs of her audience members quickly liquefied due to over-excitement. Yeah, most of them permanently lost their ability to hold their pee, but who needs to pee when you’ve got a 3D TEEEVEEEEEEEEE! Since Oprah gets a sick thrill from prematurely inducing coronaries, she gave away even more free shit to a totally different audience in the second part of her Favorite Things episode which aired today.
When Oprah announced her final Favorite Thing of all-time, I’m 100% sure that at least a few audience members died on the floor, floated off to heaven and looked into the sea-blue eyes of Jesus who told their asses to get back down there because his boss is about to give them a 2012 VW BEETLE!!!!! Yes, Oprah gave out a car that isn’t even out yet (it looks like this, by the way).
But how are they going to sit in the driver’s seat of a new Beetle if their ass cheeks fell off and/or exploded when Oprah gave them the news?! Oprah should really give them a new pair of ass cheeks, TAX FREE!