Cock The Shotgun?

November 22, 2010 / Posted by:

Jessica Simpson was on the Early Show this morning promoting her engagement ring/Christmas album and she started the interview by saying that her breath smelled like yours after thinking about John Travolta fupa-fucking a dark peen in a sauna. Basically, it had the aroma of fresh vom. Jessica blamed it on the flu, but let me submit these pictures of her at LAX and JFK last night as evidence that she’s possibly got a positive CASE OF THE BABIES!!!! It might explain the engagement, and it also might explain why Papa Joe dresses up in a cloth diaper and bonnet every morning to convince Jessica that she needs to start breastfeeding lessons as soon as possible. No, that’s not right of him at all.

Or maybe she’s not growing a baby in there at all. Maybe she’s just got that HomeTown Buffet bloat. Shit, I’m about as bloated in the everything as she is and I’m not even preg- Wait. Is it possible for a biological male (keep your fingertips off the keys about that one) to conceive a child by rubbing his nipples over digital pictures of Mah Boo Anderson Cooper in a bunny costume? Excuse me while I go and do golden showers with an Ept.

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