Aunt Sassy’s Niece Has Come A Long Way

November 21, 2010 / Posted by:

While White Oprah is speaking to her attorneys at The Law Offices of Scooby & Scrappy Doo about suing the producers of Inferno for wrongful termination and using her daughter’s good name for publicity (White Oprah’s contract with the devil states that only she’s allowed to do that), the movie’s director Matthew Wilder is moving on with a new trick in the role of Linda Lovelace. Deadline Hollywood reports that Malin Akerman, a creature birthed from the soil of the wheat fields on planet HeiglHudsonBosworthDiaz, has officially replaced LiLo.

Some inside source says that producers are ejaculating hearts over Malin and immediately signed her ass after they realized that insuring LiLo is the opposite of possible. You might have already seen Malin as “that girl”, “the sister” or “the best friend” in 27 Dresses, The Heartbreak Kid, The Proposal, Couples Retreat and Watchmen. But I will always know Malin as Juna from the greatest show that never was THE COMEBACK!

The only way that Inferno will be a hit is if during the scene where Linda has to put on a dog’s lipstick (not today, I know), Aunt Sassy barges through the front door and screams:

Actually, Aunt Sassy should do that shit after every scene in Inferno.

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