It’s that time of year we all witness grown ass people’s internal organs explode into a million pieces inside of their bodies as they find out that the one thing they’ve been praying for every single night has finally come true: they are an audience member in Oprah’s FAVORITE FUCKING THINGS SHOW!!!! They’ve been training for this moment for years. They’ve been running 8 miles a day, taking vocal lessons every week and eating bowls of Special K to make sure they are still alive and ready to scream some more when Oprah tells them they are taking home shit like an all edge baking pan and a 3D TV. NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR DEATH!
When those crazies screamed into the heavens on today’s show, several L trains jumped off the tracks, a quick bolt hit all of Gayle King’s nerves and every dog in a 25-mile radius learned how to stick their paws in their ear holes real quick. I swear, it’s like somebody told these hos that they just won a 9-inch dick that stays hard and cums $100 bills whenever you stroke it.
They have finally found their religion! Ask this dude:
You know he’s STILL in Oprah’s studio doing the same prayer bow over and over again.