Verdine White Was Robbed!

And so was Prince Hot Ginge! And Mah Boo Anderson Cooper! And Brooke Hogan! And the hot silver piece in All My Children whose character name is not cumming on my brain at this time Michael Fucking Nouri! I mean, Berg from Two Guys, A Girl, And A Pizza Place?! Who stuffed the ballot box with ScarJo’s chichis and hundred dollar bills from Warner Bros.? Don’t ever get me wrong, I’d hit it until I got jizz poisoning, and even then I’d pop a milk pill up my no-no and keep going, but STILL! People needs to show us the receipts, copy of checks and the notarized ledger! Somebody needs to drop an audit on those bitches.

You know what else is illegal? People crowed Ryan Reynolds as the “Sexiest Man With A Working Pulse” without giving us a piece of the sexiest part of him: HIS GOT DAYUM NIPPLES! Instead they give us an awkward picture of Ryan looking like he’s about to lift up his hip and bust out a side fart while watching football. Do over.

Since Jon Hamm could make a rock orgasm with a lift from his brow, I figured he’d get the title. Jon (along with Kellan Lutz, Wheelchair Jimmy, Alcide from True Blood, RDJ, Justin Timberlake, Vin Diesel, etc…) made the cut, but he didn’t get the cover. Storm the gates!