Elvis Lives In Steven Cowan

Cross file this under: “Bristol Palin is the new Robert Goulet“. You are not alone in wanting to murder your TV in the face for exposing you to Bristol Palin’s dance moves on Dancing with the Has-Beens and That Teen Mom From Alaska. Steven Cowan is loading his pistol right next to you, but his ass actually went through with it! I would give him an AMERICAN HERO medal, but he killed a TV and the TV is this country’s official mascot! That’s worse than kicking a weeping bald eagle.

This high important news story comes to us from Wisconsin where The Chicago Tribune says 67-year-old Steven Cowan was filled with so much rage over Bristol Palin’s “constipated pony” dance moves that he reached for his shotgun and shot out his TV. Steven then turned the gun on his wife who ran for the phone and called in reinforcements. The SWAT team surrounded his house and spent the next 15 LONG HOURS trying to talk him out. Doesn’t Steven realize that 15 hours is longer than the amount of time Bristol has practiced her moves in TOTAL.

Steven finally shuffled out of his house on Tuesday morning and was arrested and charged with second-degree reckless endangerment and tubeslaughter in the first degree. Steven told police that he’s bi-polar and said he put a bullet in his TV because he felt Bristol “was not a good dancer and that she was only on the show because of her famous mother.”

Solely judging by Steven’s looks, I would never take him for someone who is serious about their Dancing with the Stars. Twerking the ends of his moustache to Ma’s Roadhouse? Yes. But pulling an Elvis over DWTS? Never.

And since the producers of DWTS are known stunt queens, expect Steven Cowan to be the surprise guest judge at the finale.

(Thanks to all who sent this mess in)