The air space over Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood was temporarily closed last night due to the toxic cloud of burnt polyester hair smoke, boiled Botox fumes and the hazardous fog that forms when Xtina smacks her lips together. It was the premiere of the soon-to-be multiple Razzie award winner Glitter Coyote Showgirls!!!
As Chaz Bono and his girlfriend Jennifer Ella looked on, Cher and Xtina (= Chertina, the most faaaaabulous narcotic on the streets) got all affectionate while hugging on each other. A team from poison control and the bomb squad had to stand by since even the world’s most experienced chemists didn’t know what would happen when that many chemicals rubbed together.
Well, all of us here already know what happens when that many chemicals rub together: A BOMB CALLED BURLESQUE IS BORN! No, I’m just joking. It’s not going to be a bomb. Besides, I can already see the reviews flashing before me: “Tons of fucking sequins!!!!” – Roger Ebert