Xtina Gets Her Star

November 15, 2010 / Posted by:

Don’t you worry, there’s no need to throw a panty over your eyes, because no Xtina labia is visible from here. I mean, do you see a second pair of red lacquered lips puckering at you from down below? Xtina always makes sure her lips match. She’s a lady like that. Maybe she’s wearing flesh-colored vagina Spanx, or maybe she sprayed her cooch with equal parts bronzer, pancake make-up and whatever they color Barbie’s skin with so it matches the rest of her body. Who knows.

On Hollywood Blvd. this afternoon, Xtina gracefully lounged on the sidewalk next to her star while her mom and younger brother watched all proud-like. The fact that Xtina looks like “Hatchet Face after a Swan makeover” doesn’t make me ignore her parched eyebrow situation.

I don’t understand why she keeps doing this to herself! Xtina covers almost every one of her pores with enough grease to keep Tommy Girl’s no-no in business for years yet she can’t throw a little moisture on her brows. It’s like she dusted her brows with the ashy charcoal my mom hasn’t cleaned from her Weber in decades. Only Vincent Price is allowed to have brows like that. Come on, Xtina, put some Sharpie on it!

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