Sebastian Bach’s Still Got It

The ghost of Taylor Momsen’s future look, Sebastian Bach, was slipped into a pair of handcuffs first thing this morning at a bar in Toronto after he allegedly murdered a wine glass by throwing it across the room before biting at an employee who was trying to control his rage. Sebastian not only looks like one of the Real Housewives of Orange County without her face paint on, but he fights like one too. I’m into it.

The Toronto Sun says that 42-year-old Sebastian got into a fight with the staff at Riley’s Old Towne Pub. When they told his ass to get out, Sebastian headed for the door with a glass of wine in his hand. They told him he had to leave the wine glass, so he pulled an “If I can’t have you, nobody can!” and threw it at the front door. That’s when the owner of the bar tried to hold Sebastian down until the cops got there. While the owner hugged Sebastian hard, he got bit in the hand. The cops arrived and found 1.95 grams of weed in Sebastian’s pockets. He was charged with with assault, possession of marijuana and mischief. He will face a judge in Toronto sometime today.

All of this foolery could have been avoided if Sebastian politely excused himself from the argument to smoke a little of the good shit in a bathroom stall. Instead of biting into a ho’s hand, Sebastian would’ve wanted to bite into a piece of fried grease at KFC. And trust me, unless you’re Vampireina Jolie or pepaw zombie Keef Richards, biting into fried grease is much more delicious than biting into human skin.