In Case You Couldn’t Tell From The Sound of SILENCE, Kelly Preston Is In Labor!
John Travolta has had to cut short his tour of Australia’s finest bath houses to fly back to California to be with his wife Kelly Preston who is currently in the middle of undoing the Velcro on her third trimester baby pillah. Somewhere in Australia, there’s a line-up of dudes patiently waiting for John to lick the sauna sweat off their taints and he’s not coming. SAD!
The Herald Sun says that John was in Australia for Qantas’ 90th anniversary, but that he has fluttered back home after finding out that Kelly’s barley water broke. When he arrived in Australia, John told reporters that he might have to make the 22-hour journey back to the States if he got the call. Kelly was supposed to birth out Baby Benjamin on November 26th, but dude obviously wants to get this mess over with so he’s coming out early. Benjamin figures that the sooner he touches Earth, the sooner he turns 18 and can quit the crazy.
You know how I want to make a million stupid jokes about how Kelly can return her bump to the Serta factory now and how their surrogate from Rent-A-Womb probably bit her tongue off over the whole silent birth thing, but who cares! What we should really be focusing on is wishing that when Kelly and John bring their baby out for a photo-op on the balcony of the Scientology Castle, Benjamin will rip the merkin off his daddy’s head. Pray to Xenu this happens!
UPDATE: John and Kelly’s spokeswhore says this is a lie and she’s not NOT screaming during labor right now and he didn’t cut off his Australian trip. So you can wipe away that sad image of a line-up of dudes waiting to get their taint licked by John.
