I See What You Did There, Papa Joe

Jessica Simpson is engaged, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that her ex-husband Nick Lachey is ALSO engaged to that Vanessa Manilallaoolala trick. NOTHING. No, Papa Joe didn’t run out to the nearest Zales, pick up the shiniest ring in the 50% off tray and then tape a picture of Eric Johnson’s face to his head to get on one knee to propose to his owner daughter. And no, Papa Joe didn’t find Eric rifling through Jessica’s pocket book to tell him that he’ll drop a little bonus in his payroll check if he just goes along with the engagement. NO! None of that happened. Eric proposed because nothing makes his heart beat like Jessica’s edible farts.

A source tells UsWeekly that after 6 months of dating, Eric asked Jessica to be his wife on Thursday. Jessica had a giant ring on her gettin’ hitched finger while promoting her clothing line at Dillard’s in Kansas City. Jessica’s spokeswhore confirmed this shit to People: “Yes, we are excited to confirm that they are engaged!”

YES! Shots fired! The bride wars start now. And no, it’s not going to go down between Jessica and Vanessa. If anybody’s going to be brawlin’ over veils in Kleinfeld’s showroom it’s going to be Vanessa and Papa Joe. I can’t wait for that episode of Say Yes to the Dress.