Maddox Created St. Angie, Basically

Seen here wearing the white smock she slips on right before she bites into the bulging inner thigh vein of the human sacrifice brought to her by the village townspeople, St. Angie Jo strikes an over the shoulder pose on the cover of December’s Vogue. Or maybe that’s the white smock she wears when her most devout Brangeloonies gather around her in a circle to feed her soul with their worshiping wails and tears. Who knows. She wears a lot of white smocks since she doesn’t want to stain the black. Never stain the black.

In the issue, Angie Jo confirms what we’ve known all along: the child army is preparing to take over the world. Angie says that Pax is already a culinary expert who can fart out gourmet dishes that the masters at Le Cordon Bleu only dream of making and Maddox is pretty much our future planet overlord so rid your closet of anything that is not the shade a 3am blackout. The color wheel is EXTINCT in Maddox’s world.

Here’s a few pieces from Angie’s interview which the Daily Mail has summed up:

Angelina speaks about various aspects of her home life with partner Brad Pitt and their six children, including how Pax’s culinary skills far outweigh her own. And while Maddox knows his famous mother isn’t too skilled in the kitchen, he still tries to encourage her, telling her ‘Good job!’ when she cooks breakfast.

Angelina also speaks about her eldest biological child, Shiloh, who is now four. She says Shiloh, who has always been a tomboy and is keen to follow in her older brothers’ footsteps, recently found a dead bird and asked if she could keep it for a pet. But Angelina recalls she told Shiloh if she wanted a dead bird, she should get one from the taxidermist instead.

In the article, readers get a glimpse inside the Jolie-Pitt household with its six kids, bulldog named Jacques and nannies who speak Vietnamese to Pax and Cambodian to Maddox.

Angelina also spoke about how she finds time to balance her personal life with her ‘extremely handsome and the most sexy’ partner Brad Pitt, with her professional life, admitting the pair always ensure one of them is with the children while the other is working.

See. Maddox is the sensei who trained Angie Jo to be a world saving saint who can snatch your man with a blink from her hypnotic vagina. And Angie gets all the credit for it! We need to give credit where credit is due! Adjust your emotions accordingly!

And what’s with the “bringing a dead bird to the porch” shit? Is Shiloh a house cat? But seriously, Angie is really acting like Shiloh didn’t take the dead bird to the twin messiahs who softly cooed into it’s chest bringing it back to life. The bird is now the pet of a blind Eastern European girl and he’s teaching her the beauty of music. The girl will go on to heal the world with her soul nourishing voice. The circle of EVERYTHING starts with the holy Brangelina family.