Open Post: Hosted By The Bates Family

The last name Bates makes me think of a kitchen knife covered in chocolate syrup, but now it’ll make me think of a sad wailing overworked uterus I thought only existed deep down in the bowels of the dark fetus factory in Michelle Duggar’s body. When Michelle Duggar’s fetus softly sings “Somewhere Out There” in the middle of the night, another uterus in a land not too far away sings the exact same song. And that uterus lives in the fetus factory in Kelly Bates’ body.

43-year-old Kelly, a devout Christian from Tennessee, and her tree surgeon husband Gil subscribe to the Duggar belief that the hand of God will cover her ovaries when he wants her to stop making babies. Kelly popped out her 18th baby last month. Kelly and Gil had their first child Zach 21 years ago and they’ve practically birthed out a BABY!!! every year after that. They are just one kid behind the Duggars’ record and they aren’t stopping anytime soon. Gil tells the Daily Mail, “We will have many more children if God allows it.”

Kelly even has those natural wings in her hair like Michelle! Make it stop! You know, I think it’s safe to blame the makers of long jean skirts. As long as they keep making long jean skirts, the Bates and the Duggars will continue to make babies who buy those long jean skirts!