Keef Richards Busted A Swedish Journalist In The Head

Keith Richards is a 300-year-old zombie who is made entirely of bone dust and fire roasted pig skins, but he’s still got it! Today in Paris, Keef came face to face with one of his arch rivals, Swedish journalist Markus Larsson, at an interview for his new autobiography Life. Keef has been cursing Markus’ name ever since the Rolling Stones played Sweden back in 2007. Markus gave the show 2 out of 5 stars and called the Stones “amateurs.” Keef threatened to haunt the nightmares of Markus’ children if he didn’t apologize, but he never do and so the feud went on!

Aftonbladets (via Spinner) says that Keef sat down with Markus at a hotel room in Paris today and it took him nearly 10 minutes to realize that he was sharing the same oxygen stream (Full Disclosure: I have no idea if Keef breathes in oxygen with the rest of us. I could be lying.) with his NEMESIS! When Keef realized this, a cloud of sand filled the room, locusts shot out of his eyes and he went after Markus! Markus explains, “His eyes got black and he was absolutely furious. He stood up and asked if we would put out the lights and settle the disagreement straight away. At first I was just surprised, I thought he was pulling my leg, but then I realized he was serious and then I felt uncomfortable and I just wanted to get out of there pretty fast.”

Markus claims that Keef hit him over the head before shouting, “You’re lucky to get out of here alive!!!!!!”

Trust me, it’s not over. One…two….Keef’s coming for you, Markus! You don’t ever mess with a man who can only be destroyed if you distract him with a beautiful virgin while you remove the stone scarab in his chest with a silver sword. Or do you destroy him by luring him into the real world so that you can drown him in a bird bath filled with holy water? I get my mythical fables mixed up.