Another Reason To Hate Credit Cards

November 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Yes, we all need credit cards so that we can rent a car to visit our side piece at the local motel without worrying about nosy hos telling our huuuuuzzbenz that they saw our car in the parking lot, but I still hate using them. Seriously, using a credit card is always a gross experience.

Even if I’ve paid my bill on time and have enough free space on it, I still have a mini freak out when using it. Maybe the gerbil who is in charge of running the credit card processing system will stop to scratch its asshole, which will cause the whole thing to crash and decline my Visa. The machine will make that beep noise and it won’t be followed by the sound of a receipt printing out. That’s when I know what’s coming next. The cashier will throw me a FuckYoLifeface before asking me if I have another card. Then I have to go into a whole song & dance: 1) Huff loudly and ask for the card back. Say something about how the strip has been acting up as you rub it against your jeans. Hand it back. 2) As the cashier runs the card again, go on about how this is so weird since you only have like $7 on that card. Say this loud enough so the annoyed bitches behind you can hear it. 3) When the card declines again, which it will, ask the cashier to hold your items while you go and yell at Capital One. Don’t come back.

And here’s yet another reason to consider credit cards as public enemy #1. Those Kardashians now have their own MasterCard. More like MasterKunt. Nothing says “I’m an asshole” like having a Kardashian MasterCard. What is the point of it? Do they wave your late fee as long as you piss on your payment check before sending it in? If you reach 10,000 points, do you get a first class ticket to Khloe Kardashian’s home planet of Kashyyyk? Just no. And I guarantee you the Kardashian MasterCard will decline every single time, because no credit card processing machine wants to infect itself with that stank.

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