Lindsay Lohan has been off the stroll for a while now since she’s trying to curb her nostril’s hunger for that narcotic at Betty Ford. So like any good pimp whose main ho is down and out and unable to shake an ass for a dollar, White Oprah hit the track herself to keep the Lohan name in everyone’s head. On Today this morning, White Oprah and Matt Lauer stared into each other’s eyes for the first time since he pretty much cut her head off and smugly laughed as she ran around bumping into the walls of reality.
During today’s conversation, White Oprah admitted that her precious child is a certified cokehead and is getting the help she needs. You could practically smell the gloating seeping out of Matt’s orifices. Or maybe he smelled like that because he forgot to wipe his side-piece’s coochie cream off his nutsack before he went on air.
Oh, but don’t worry, White Oprah proved that she still spoons with delusional every night when she said that LiLo is a changed person AFTER FIVE FUCKING WEEKS IN REHAB. If LiLo turned every part of herself inside/out and became a totally different person, she would be able to sniff out White Oprah’s life-sucking fangs and she’d finally destroy her with a vat of Michael Lohan’s saliva and tanner remover. White Oprah also told Matt that she spent two weeks at Betty Ford talking with families of addicts and learning how not to be a codependent when her daughter gets out of there.
Can you imagine how those sessions went? A MESS! White Oprah is like, “Okay, I have a question? How much are you paying us since this is bringing publicity to your little clinic, and do I ask you for a Valium prescription? I’d settle for a sample.”
When Matt asked White Oprah why she lied about her daughter being an addict the last time she was on Today, she kept vomiting up the ridiculousness by saying that she was just protecting her child, “That was for Lindsay to admit. As a mother, it wasn’t for me to come and tell the world about her problem. That was for her to do. I wasn’t in denial by far…”
No, you were in denial by REALLY FUCKING FAR, bitch! I love how she said, “It wasn’t for me to come and tell the world about her problem.” Um, correction, Mommie Worsest, it wasn’t for you to tell the world about your daughter’s problems at all! What the hell kind of GD mother goes on national TV to yap about her kid’s addictions? Any normal mother whispers about it to her friends during cocktail hour at Chili’s!
And this interview makes much more sense if you replace “mother” with “demon.” “As a demon…” See, so much sense!