Well, At Least She Didn’t Flash Anybody…I Think

At the MTV EMAs in Madrid last night, the hardest and edgiest toddler in the playpen continued to dress like a mid-range Craigslist “masseuse” with a serious Cherie Currie fetish and mysterious rash on her eyelid she covers up using black Halloween lipstick, markers from The Dollar General and ash from a smoking bin outside of a Holiday Inn Express.

You know, I can’t fully throw a black cloud of shade over Taylor Momsen, because when I was 12 (or however old that trick is) I too had the choreographed posture of an angsty tween Igore and an “I HATE LIFE” scowlface you usually see on a morning-shift cashier at Hot Topic. It hurts to admit, but I was that! However, I don’t remember slipping on a Victoria’s Secret push-up bra and pulling my nipples so high that it made Chris Hansen’s brows touch his hairline. I must’ve been fucked up on cooking wine and freon during that episode.

And speaking of hunchback creatures who look like they should be welcoming you into Frankenstein’s castle (snatched from 30 Rock), Miley Cyrus was also at the EMAs last night and she performed one of her songs. And by performed, I mean she hollered and spazzed out like she’s got a painful ingrown camel toe.