Glow Stick Bukkake

November 8, 2010 / Posted by:

Why were the MTV European Music Awards called the MTV European Music Awards when ninety percent of the bitches who were nominated and performed were American! We’ve already done enough! I mean, the fuckery screeches from this past MTV VMAs sanded a thin layer off the ozone layer and now we’re doing it again with the MTV EMAs. Although, I’m not sure what my rambling rant has to do with Ke¢ha since it’s obvious her passport was issued by Fraggle Rock Nation.

At last night’s EMAs, Ke$tchup’s “Chipette on nitrous” voice sanded a few layers off the ozone when she performed every 3rd grader’s favorite song of 2009 Tik Tok. If you’ve always wanted to know what the Wicked Witch of the West’s rap voice sounds like, click here for Ke$hit’s performance. My major problem with Ke$ha’s look is that I don’t see the contents of a dumpster at a desert rave the way most of you do, I see a beloved character from my childhood: PIZZAZZ FROM JEM!! Ke$hit is more of a low-budget porn version of Pizzazz, though. More like Pizzinmyazz or Jizzazz. I still hate her for this. And you know who else channeled a cartoon icon from my childhood? KATY PERRY!

Katy Perry performed “Firework” (click here to see it) looking like a cross between Double Trouble and Castaspella from She-Ra as seen through the eyes of a Cirque du Soleil costume designer.

I’ll be okay as long as I don’t see pictures of Lady CaCa in Beverly Hills Teens drag.

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