This shit involves drunk rugby players, a dog, a cell phone camera, zero amounts of dignity and a thick slathering of SUCIO FUCKING SUCIO, so you might want to prepare to give yourself a Silkwood bath in the sink of your office’s bathroom. I mean, my dog hasn’t stopped giving me a “You’re never buying peanut butter again” side-eye since this story hit my screen.
Joel Monaghan, an Australian rugby player for the Canberra Raiders, will forever be known as dog slobber nuts because of a certain not right picture that has been making the rounds on Twitter for a few days. The picture is of Joel holding the ears of his teammate’s dog while the poor pooch licks on his kibbles ‘n bits. No word on why the dog gave him caninelingus (WHY!!!!), but don’t be surprised if Joel puts out a book titled “50 uses for Vegemite“.
The Herald Sun says that it’s to be believed that the dumb fuck picture taker is a member of the Raiders rugby team. The CEO of the Raiders has opening up an investigation into the picture and the RSPCA wants the authorities to press charges against Joel since doggy oral is illegal.
According to Joel’s publicist, he’s put his tail between his legs and is shuffling off to a therapist to seek help for this mess:
“Joel can’t blame anyone but himself for an act of stupidity that will haunt him for the rest of his life. Joel wants to make it clear that he was the one playing a prank on an absent teammate by simulating the act. There are no words of explanation that can be offered because none can be appropriate. Joel has to now face his family as well as fans and supporters with that shame and has already undergone counselling to help him cope with the consequences of what has happened.
It was a moment of abject stupidity brought about by too much drink and a complete lack of any thought process. The fact that someone has sought to compound the situation further by the use of social media only adds to the trauma, but Joel accepts that it is his actions alone that are at fault.”
You’re on your own if you want to see the full Not Safe For Life picture since I’ve already thrown my cookies into the trash and washed out my eyes of it. Just note that Googling “blonde dog licking rugby peen” might get a knock on your cubicle door from Annemarie Lucas.
This is no time for jokes! The only way this story could’ve had a sort-of happy ending is if there was a follow-up picture of the dog smiling into the camera with a piece of dick root in its mouth.
via Life Is Savage