Aretha Franklin Is Down Until May

November 4, 2010 / Posted by:

Have your nips been feeling a little heavier than usual today (SAY YES)? Pull down the Lycra tube top you wore to work and take a good look at them. Don’t worry, your co-workers are used to your end of the day choreographed nip slips by now. Doesn’t your nip slit look like it’s making a frown? There’s a good reason reason. It’s because the glorious goddess moon they howl at every night while you’re passed out is back in her sick bed! Again.

Aretha Franklin’s rep tells HuffPo that she has canceled everything from now until May. No shows, no appearances, no ribbon cutting at the Totino’s factory, nothing. Doctor’s orders! Here is the statement from her publicist:

“Aretha Franklin is resting comfortably at home, but is anxious to get back on the road to perform for her countless fans around the world. Her doctors have required her to cancel all appearances.”

Aretha has been in and out of the hospital ever since she slipped in the tub back in August. Aretha was also punched in the soul by another black cloud after her son was jumped at a gas station in Detroit.

Nurse yourself back to full health, Aretha, because the fate of everyone’s nipples lies on your chichis. Your healthy chichis that is!

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >