On last night’s Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases, ABC gave the cosmos an inferiority complex when they announced the ALL-STAR CAST of their new reality shit show Skating with Bitches Who Are Slightly More Famous Than The Homeless Mooner At My Subway Stop (But Not Really)!
Every time a new “star” was revealed, it felt like someone just shoved an entire bottle of Simply Sleep up my culo (wink wink…zzzzzzz). But just when I was about to switch the channel to something more stimulating (aka Mah Boo 369me) to my parts, the following name sent a shot of adrenaline straight into my soul: SEAN “Should’ve Been Catwoman” YOUNG!!!!!
While I was busy putting Skating with the Stars on my Tivo’s menu, every pharmaceutical company and mental health organization was on the phone with ABC to buy premium ad space during this ice cold crazy disaster. Sean Young is crazier than a pack of Mel Gibsons and dignity stopped taking her calls decades ago, so this should be good. I’m going to call it right now, Sean Young is going to glide to victory! But I’m only saying that because I’m sure every weak bitch on this show is going to break their ass bones while Sean will only slightly break whatever is left of her sanity. YES!
Anyways, here’s the cast of lucky nobodies who will witness Sean’s theatrical insanity for themselves:
Rebecca Budig – Greenlee on All My Children
Bethenny Frankel – Reality star and maker of the worst cocktails ever
Vince Neil – Tish Cyrus’ next conquest
Brandon Smith – Disney star
Jonny Mosely – Olympic gold-medal
Seriously, this shit makes the cast of Fox’s Skating with Celebrities look like the list of presenters at the Oscars.
And this just in, USA Today says that the Crystal Enchantress of the Ice Johnny Weir is going to be a judge. The glittery icing on the batshit crazy cake!