In this week’s issue of Boo Fucking Hoo Weekly, Hugh Hefner’s former nappy changer Kendra Wilkinson makes a heartfelt plea for you to light an Our Lady of Guadalupe candle in her honor and save your prayers for the starving children of the world for another day because she has it harder. Before you open your front door to kick at Kendra as she begs for your pity on the ground, read her plight!
Kendra on how she took her 11-month-old son Hank Jr. back to L.A. after her husband Hank Baskett got dropped by the Philly Eagles and signed to the Minnesota Vikings: “Not having Hank around hurts. Moving across the country by myself makes me think of my own mom who raised me and my brother alone. Hank’s not going to be there forever, but with him not physically here, I’m a single parent now.”
Kendra on why she isn’t moving to Minnesota to be with Hank: “I fit in well in Philly, and I could relate to all the people, but the West Coast is my home. This is where all my family and friends are.”
Kendra on how she felt once her husband GOT A JOB by signing to the Vikings: “It hurt a lot. When Hank left I felt lonely. He’s my everything. Nobody else can really fill that loneliness. We cry. It’s hard, and we aren’t ashamed to cry.”
Kendra on how this Christmas will be the HARDEST CHRISTMAS in the history of Christmases: “I’m going to go back to the minus-2-degree weather to spend Thanksgiving, baby Hank’s 1st birthday and Christmas in a small one bedroom hotel room with my husband and son. That’s all that matters to me.”
Yeah, see. How can you not form a cry circle for a single and lonely parent. Specifically, a single and lonely parent whose HUSBAND deposits thousands of dollars into their checking account and pays for the mortgage on their California mansion and their tab at Bristol Farms and the car payments on their fleet of German luxury vehicles. So stop your bitch whining about how you’re going to have to float checks to cover your November rent, because at least you’re not Kendra.
But seriously, Kendra needs to scrub the crusted tears off her retinas so she can get a good look at Hank Jr. and rectify his beauty situation! THAT HAIR! Richards Simmons in the back and Emo in the front is not the look for him. Once she fixes that, she can figure out what Hank Jr’s season is since that particular shade of lip chap is doing nothing for his eyes.