Why did anybody even bother throwing a Slutty Chilean Miner costume from Rite-Aid over their bodies when Heidi Klum turns this shit into a one-woman Halloween EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAAA every damn year. At Heidi’s annual Halloween party in NYC last night, she told comfort to fuck off and showed up dressed like the robotic alien leader from RiRi’s home planet (the Magic 8-Ball forehead gave it away).
This is a costume for a strong bitch who isn’t going to cry (actually, crying in this costume is impossible) when every pore and hole starts hyperventilating and gasping for a shot of air. Heidi must’ve had an asthma inhaler shoved up her cooch so her crotch didn’t pass out.
How can Heidi Klum properly celebrate Whoreoween in this shit? No getting fucked up. No carefully choreographed “wardrobe malfunctions.” No passing out face first in a men’s room urinal or on the dick of a stranger. None of that!
And Heidi’s digestive system and bladder must train for this day all month long since they have to keep their shit together (literally) for the entire night. You can’t just go for a quick pee pee times when it takes Mike Holmes, two jaws of life, and the extra large jar of grease your grandma keeps under her kitchen sink to get you out of your costume.
Here’s more of the Keeper of Halloween and her husband Seal (who went as a roided-up Silver Surfer, or maybe he’s one of The Silver Fox’s platinum jizz balls…) at their party last night.