Even some of the biggest sluts I know have cut back on their random acts of ho shit out of fear that the scariest blood-sucking creature in New York (next to that old wheezy queen Carl Paladino, of course) will jump off of their one-night-stand’s mattress and onto their nalgas to EAT EVERYTHING IN THEIR LIVES! I mean, a couple of weeks ago I watched some hot drunken ho with the bottom of her dress practically riding up to her neck stumble out of a bar and land right on an old sidewalk sofa. In her one moment of clarity, this bitch jumped off of it like it was Mel Gibson’s face and started screaming about BED BUGS!!!! See, those asshole bed bugs are ruining everybody’s game! But apparently, there’s one bitch out here who HAHAHAHAs at our bed bug overlords.
Look at Hugh Jackmeoff lying on a giant bed bug nest like nothing while his daughter and wife think to themselves that they should pick up a few face masks and turtlenecks on the way home since they might have the complexion of Paris Hilton’s labia in a few days.