Out of all the people Elisabeth Hasselcrack could viciously violate by dressing up as for Hallowpeen, she just had to after one of the most influential icons of my childhood: Alexis Morrell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan! Where the hell is a vengeful Krystle Carrington and a fountain full of crocodiles or Moldavian terrorists when you really need them?
Whoever came up with this mess of idea wouldn’t know Alexis Carrington if she sashayed up to them, tore out one of her shoulder pads with her bare nails and used it to slap them three times in the mouth. Joan Collins is so glamorous that she wears high heels and diamonds when she pees pees, and Elisabeth Hasselcrack is about as glamorous as yogurt. (Disclaimer: I don’t know for a fact that Joan Collins actually urinates. This has never been documented as fact. It should still be considered an urban legend for now.)
Bitch looks more like a little boy country mouse dressed in Dollar Tree drag as Bernice from Designing Women. And the stick firmly shoved up Hasselcrack’s asshole made it impossible for her to do the “stealing your men, and taking over your companies” strut. HOW DREADFUL. See for yourself in the clip below:
But I can’t stay mad at The View. They did give us a deranged Barbara Walters as Rita Hayworth. Yup, Rita Hayworth. More like Jessica Rabbit’s memaw who eats bunny rabbits alive!
And no comment about Sherri “The German” Shepherd as Grace Jones.